Those crazy Japs

We all know that the Xbox 360 has been, more or less, a colossal failure in Japan. Relatively, that is. Speculative stat-conjurers VG Charts reckon it’s sold 590,000 which, I guess, isn’t a total write off. I mean, try and imagine 590,000 things. Any things will do. If you struggle to be imaginative with your reality-TV-addled brain and need a bit of direction – I dunno, try and picture 590,000 garden gnomes in a field. Picture ten. Then a hundred. Then ten hundreds. Then ten of them. Then ten of them. And then six of them. Is that right? Either way, think of that many Xbox 360s in Japan. A little more than a drop in the ocean, I would have thought. If I made something and 590,000 Japanese people bought one I’d be dead chuffed.

All of which is besides the point. Pat’s VG247 recently published a list of the top-rated games of 2007 according to Japanese weekly games bible Famitsu. Ten of which, surprisingly, are for Xbox 360:

1. Phantom Hourglass (DS) Nintendo – 39/40
2. The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (Xbox 360) - 38
3. Super Mario Galaxy (Wii) - 38
4. GTA San Andreas (PS2) - 38
5. Call of Duty 4 (Xbox 360) - 37
6. Call of Duty 4 (PS3) - 37
7. Minna no Golf Portable 2 (PSP ) - 37
8. God of War 2 (PS2) - 37
9. Halo 3 (Xbox 360) - 37
10. World Soccer Winning Eleven 2008 (PS3) - 36

and then from the next 20…
11. World Soccer Winning Eleven 2008 (Xbox 360) - 36
15. Lost Odyssey (Xbox 360) - 36
16. Assassin’s Creed (Xbox 360) - 36
17. Ace Combat 6 (Xbox 360) - 36
20. Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter 2 (Xbox 360) - 36
22. Forza Motorsport 2 (Xbox 360) - 36
23. Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six Vegas (Xbox 360) - 36

Well, it shouldn’t be that surprising – 360 easily boasted the strongest software lineup last year. By quite some stretch. But I’d kind of presumed this fact had passed those crazy Japs by. Seemingly not.

And look at some of the games on that list – Oblivion, COD4, Halo 3, GRAW, Assassin’s Creed (and San Andreas on PS2). A very Western-centric lineup.

But this does beg the question – if Famitsu is coming round to the ways of the West, why is the Japanese gaming public not? I’m not sure if it’s simply commercialised anti-Americanism. Though saying that, the Japs genuinely do hate the Yanks – what with all that bomb-dropping business a few years back. Maybe they’re just too busy playing Wii Fit, Nintendogs and those odd rape-simulators on PC?

Mind you, I guess it’s the same as how no matter how many clever Western people like me tell you to buy great games like this, this or this, less clever Western people seemingly refuse to buy them.

And on a similar theme...

A post on the EG forum I made a while back which might, if you're as tediously dull as me, be of interest:

Before you all start, yes, there are other threads on this, but when I was looking for the answers I wanted I couldn’t really find them on here. So hopefully this will provide a more concise guide for those in the same position.

Never suffered from the RROD myself, but my launch 360 started freezing literally a few seconds after one year warranty had run out, and before Microsoft extended the warranties to three years. After a bit of faffing managed to get that replaced by Microsoft and now my second machine, again almost a year down the line, had started to play up. Started getting the odd disc read error every now and then when Colin McRae came out, and it’s been getting worse – and ever since it started doing it on Mass Effect its started plaguing me on more or less every game. Apparently Mass Effect puts a lot of strain on the DVD drive and can send those prone to failure over the edge.

So rather than risk being without a machine over Christmas (by it either dying or Microsoft taking ages to replace it), I though I’d trade in my existing system against a new one. However, I really wanted to make sure I got one with the new Falcon chipset, and preferably with the BenQ DVD drive which some sources claim to be both quieter and faster than the Toshiba or Samsung drives Microsoft uses in some machines.

After scouring some forums which advised peering in vents and all sorts to try and determine chipset type, it turns out the easiest way is to look at the serial number. If it says 203w, then it’s an old chipset type. If it says 175w, however, it’s the new one – as that uses less power.

Ascertaining the DVD drive type is harder without powering the machine up and looking at the disc tray. But, again, looking at the serial number, you can track one down that is almost certainly of the right type.

So, after the bloke in Gamestation tested my machine for 30 minutes and it thankfully didn’t ‘dirty disc’ on me I had the poor bloke searching through his machines downstairs to try and fine the right type. I wanted HDMI enabled, Falcom chipset and BenQ drive. Was hoping just to buy an Arcade pack as its cheap, or if not a Halo 3 Edition machine, but none of their stock of either was the 175w version. Fortunately, one of their Premiums was 175w, HDMI enabled and of the right batch code to match the BenQ machines. So, after the £145 trade offered on my old machine I ended up paying £105 for a new Premium that will, fingers crossed, last more than a year. And not deafen me.

Anyway, for those in a similar boat this is what you need to know:

1. Look for wattage on the serial code. 203w is old chipset, 175w is Falcon, which basically means it’s cooler and less likely to melt, a la the old machines.

2. To try and fine a BenQ drive machine check out this website – it lists the batch number and manufacturing teams that have to date used the right DVD drive. Once you have your machine you can look here website – it lists the batch number and manufacturing teams that have to to check for certain what drive you’ve got.

And for those who are interested, the new machine is definitely a lot cooler, and arguably more importantly, quieter than the old one. It’s still noisy, for sure, but is a noticeable improvement. I once accidentally kept the glass door on my cabinet closed whilst watching a DVD on my PS3 – after 15 minutes or so its fan went in to full blast – that’s the standard in-game noise level of the new 360. So, not great, but definitely better.

Hope this helps someone.

"Microsoft readying two further 360 hardware revisions"

It was, then it was not. But thanks to 10th Art it will now be forever:

With most on-the-shelf Xbox 360’s currently built on Microsoft’s third-generation motherboard, the Falcon, online sources are claiming that the platform holder has a further three revisions to its hardware in the works.

In October the emergence of what will be Microsoft’s fourth 360 motherboard configuration, named Jasper, which is yet to hit the marketplace, was reported.

However, the fifth and sixth iterations of 360 are already in development, according to 8bitjoystick – the site which recently claimed to have interviewed an Xbox 360 manufacturing insider.

First off, the Valhalla motherboard looks set to represent the biggest advance in 360 engineering to date. It will allegedly include a unified chip that incorporates both a 65nm CPU and 65nm GPU. The reduction in heat and power consumption will mean the machine will need only one cooling system and should, in theory, be far quieter than current machines.

Valhalla should also be significantly cheaper to produce, paving the way for future Xbox 360 price cuts.

Another iteration of the motherboard is also said to be in development. The Opus will reportedly not be used for newly manufactured 360’s, but will instead be utilised as a way of reusing all the Falcon motherboards Microsoft has supposedly got stockpiled from all the faulty Xbox 360s it has supposedly had returned.

Opus will add a 65nm CPU to these existing motherboards, allowing them to fit into the casing for a Xenon machine, thus allowing Microsoft to whittle down its reserves of hardware. Therefore, the only consumers who can expect to receive an Opus are those who have returned a faulty machine to Microsoft. Unlike the Valhalla, Opus machines will not have HDMI ports.

If you’re confused (and we wouldn’t blame you) here’s a run down of the existing and current Xbox 360 hardware configurations:

1st Generation: Xenon (2005-2006, launch machines)
90nm CPU and 90nm GPU, heatsink has since been modified, no HDMI

2nd Generation: Zephyr (2006-2007)
HDMI ports introduced on some machines, heatsinks revised

3rd Generation: Falcon (2007-present)
65nm CPU and 90nm GPU, includes HDMI

4th Generation: Jasper (TBC, expected this year)
65nm CPU and 65nm GPU, includes HDMI

5th Generation: Opus (TBC)
65nm CPU and 90nm, no HDMI, further heatsink revision, reconditioned Falcon but in a Xenon casing

6th Generation: Valhalla (TBC)
Combined 65nm CPU and 65nm GPU, single heatsink, includes HDMI

If you’re in the market for a new Xbox 360 and are keen to get your hands on one of the newer Falcon machines, the easy way to know what you’re getting without opening the box is to check the box’s barcode. Amongst all the information on there is the machine’s power usage – if it says 203w it’s a Zephyr or Xenon machine. If, however, it says 175w, it’s a Falcon, as those machines use less power.

There’s also a school out there who are very in particular about which DVD drive they want in their new machines. If you want to join these fussy legions, this web site will tell you how to identify the make of a 360 DV drive, and this web site will help you find a particular one. However, be warned – opinion on which drive is best is very much divided, though the BenQ’s do seem to be the favourite.

Gamers are sad but you are cunts

So, yeah, gamers are sad. I’m one, but I’ll say it. I’ll say it again if you like – gamers are sad. Gaming is gay. You play games? Then you’re a loser. Go back to your dark bedroom, wank off to some dodgy imported Japanese Dreamcast wank game and leave me alone, you saddo.

What’s even sadder than being a gamer, I would say, is accepting money to attend a gaming event and then spending your time slagging off all the sad gamers.

Two cases in point.

The first was former hero Mark Lawrenson, who in November last year (I think) was in attendance at Konami’s PES Cup in London. He lends his voice to the game, and I guess it’s in his contract to attend. I’m sure he gets paid a fuck load for it all, yet that didn’t stop him behaving like a total cock the whole night.

Look at Normski – he was there, too. As was Sky commentator John Champion. Both of whom behaved like professionals, as they were being paid to do. Yes, they were commentating on saddos playing a make-believe game of football on an Xbox 360, but they still made the most of it. As they had accepted money to do. At one point Champion, who behaved like a true gent it must be said, asked Lawrenson who he thought was going to win. “I don’t care” came the drunken response as the camp git went back to his scotch. His free scotch, I should add.

Then there’s professional Masterchef cunt John Torode. His cuntishness was apparent at 505 Games’ recent Cooking Mama 2 event. At the point at which he was supposed to be offering his ‘expert’ opinion on the grand finale, a cook-off between UK games journalism legend Martin Mathers and someone else whom I cannot remember, Torode resorted to mocking Mathers for the fact that he has a slight movement impediment in his hand. “You can’t chop properly, you games geek” was the standard line, I believe.

So again, we have a man accepting money from a games company to lend his ‘skill’ to an event, only for him to then turn round and deride the room full of people who are seemingly so below him.

And let it be said, too, that Martin is a top bloke, one of the UK’s best. A lesser man would have twatted the smug TV prick.

If gamers are so below you, Mark and John, then do both yourselves, and indeed us gamers, a favour and don’t fucking accept money to attend gaming events. I very much doubt either of you are in dire need of the cash. Don’t lower yourself to our debauched, socially-deformed standards.

Pair of cunts, the both of you.

40 f*****g quid and required DLC?

I’m a massive, massive fan of the Katamari series. I love it more than I love Pro Evo, more than 2D Mario, even. The first game was glorious, the second even better – even the PSP version with its hideous slapstick controls was decent.

And I like Beauriful Katamari on 360. I really like it. It’s colourful, charming, funny – just as you’d expect.

BUT – it’s also £40. Which would probably be OK were it not for the fact that you can breeze through the main game in 3 fucking hours!

I mean, come on – I can deal with Call of Duty 4’s 5 hour single player campaign (alas, more than deal with it, I preferred it for its brevity), particularly as the multiplayer is so great and potentially endless. Though it ended for me on level 42 – lost my hunger for war I guess. And Portal – all the better for being just two or three hours of genius. And you ain’t gonna complain ‘cos you’ve got the rest of The Orange Box to dabble with.

Yes, Beautiful Katamari has online multiplayer. Not that any other fucker in the world is playing it, it seems. And it’s hardly Halo 3 like in its depth.

And not that I’m an Achievement whore – but not being able to get all 1000 points without paying for some additional DLC? And from what I understand the ‘additional’ DLC is already sitting there on the disc – it’s just that £40 isn’t sufficient to allow you access, seemingly.

I’m the only one in the office daft enough to have shelled out for this. And I’m glad I did as I really enjoyed my three brief hours with it. But my chances of convincing others to buy into my favourite gaming series of all time? Minimal. Poor show, Atari.

Is 2008 the year for PS3?

It could well be. It’s hard to say, of course. Some people are betting on Sony, others on Nintendo. You’d be hard pressed to find anyone betting on Microsoft, though.

And one thing I can tell you is that Xbox UK are nervous. Most platform holders will bad mouth their opponents when pushed. But to go as far as phoning and emailing the press to highlight negative stories about their opponents on the internet? That’s what Microsoft has been doing in recent weeks. That 22 minute 5GB install for Devil May Cry 4 on PS3 story certainly got around quick, didn’t it?

I’d say Microsoft are expecting a tough 12 months.

Oh. Hello there...

So, yeah, last July. Last July was the last time I posted. The rain had already been going for a few weeks by then, and it hasn't really stopped since. Though it's not rained today. So far. My natural impulse is to now dive headfirst into a long, detailed rant about the turbulence of life and the reasons why I've been so preoccupied for a whole SEVEN months.

But I won't.

What I will say is that it's been tough. Fucking tougher. Can't think of much tougher. But we all got through it. Lots still to do but progress is being made. So that's good.

One plus point was a spare three months of my life when I could again turn to gaming. I blew loads of money on games. Which was daft considering now I need money and have none. But still, I played some great ones. Call of Duty 4, Assassin's Creed, Super Mario Galaxy, Portal, E4. And some good ones. Halo 3, Sega Rally, Ratchet and Clank, Stranglehold, Uncharted. And I played PES2008. But not for long.

Not much time for all of that now. And I'm so skint I really must try to stop buying games. Time to revisit some titles that have a lot more to give - Dead Rising, Galaxy, Bioshock, Phantom Hourglass.

But most of all, it's time to pull it all back together.

Gaming Spastic Awards 2007

It’s been a really close contest this year. But The 10^th Art is delighted to announce that the winner of the 2007 Spastic Gaming Awards is…

Sega/Ubisoft!

Despite a gallant last gasp entry from Nintendo, with Mario Party 8’s quite ingenious ‘Spastic Train’, Sega and Ubisoft’s Mind Quiz emerges victories with the quite sublime ‘Super Spastic’.


Still, it’s fair to say that both terms deserve to be integrated into everyday UK lingo. “You fucking Super Spastic” and “Your mum catches the Spastic Train” are two examples to get you going with.

In next year’s competition, expect Microsoft and Bungie to do well with the Master Chief’s use of the term ‘Alien Spastic’ and his new vehicle, the ‘Spastic Warthog’. Also expect strong showings from Fallout 3 (“You fucking Radioactive Spastic”), Killzone 2 (“Quick – shoot that Orange Eyed Spastic”), Assassin’s Creed (“Please excuse me, I have to hide from this Medieval Spastic”) and TimeShift (“You might be able to reverse time but you’ll always be a Spastic, you Spastic”).

a dark day...

I’ve read on forums a couple of times in the last two days comments along the lines of “I can’t believe Rockstar didn’t see this coming”. But that’s ridiculous. I never thought for one moment Manhunt 2 would be banned. No-one did. That’s why Rockstar spent £15million odd developing it, retailers listed it, Gem took orders on it – it’s a real shot out of the blue.

No-one (who actually had a clue) expected it because we all thought the BBFC had grown up. But clearly it hasn’t. Yes, it does point out that it’s the first game in 10 years to be banned, in which time loads of films have been. But you’re telling me there aren’t hundreds of books and films out there more graphic and disturbing than Manhunt 2?

Bullshit. Lies.

There are two reasons, which I can identify at least, for this. First off is that old cliché – art. Gaming is a misunderstood art. Horrific films like American Psycho and Natural Born Killers make it past the censors because when it comes to film the authorities are able to identify the artistic merit in such things. Once this has been identified, it acts as a justification for the gruesome content.

It may be disturbing, but it’s so well done.

And that’s true. But the same can be said of Grand Theft Auto. Yet the artistic merit of gaming is still wholly misunderstood, particularly by the likes of the BBFC.

Fuckwits think GTA’s popular because of the high level of violence. But that’s got nothing to do with it. There are hundreds of games more violent that are infinitely less popular. And the number of GTA-clones that have failed because they are fundamentally shit is huge.

GTA is popular because it’s an awesome game. The gameplay mechanic is solid, the playground it offers to the player epic, and the atmosphere truly compelling – the latter of which has become the hallmark of any Rockstar title.

You’d think ELSPA would have known better though. It, at least, does have a grasp of the artistic merit of gaming. Bennett did, anyway – perhaps Jackson’s clueless. ELSPA’s reaction doesn’t exactly paint the picture of a well-informed body.

To instantly condone the BBFC’s actions was absolutely ludicrous. What does it now do when the BBFC tries to ban the next game? Back it again without question? Or develop a back-bone, thus stabbing Rockstar in its?

And what if GTA IV is the next title on the BBFC’s hate list? Is ELSPA going to back the banning of a game that may well single-handedly cement the next-gen consoles their position at the forefront of the market? No chance.

If you don’t feel sorry for Rockstar in all of this then you’ve clearly misunderstood the entire situation. Much like Rob Fahey.

For the BBFC to claim that political pressures played no part in this decision is a bare faced and shameful lie. You’re telling me this would have been banned if it was a Microsoft or Vivendi title? Bullshit.

The knives have been out for Rockstar for a long time now. It first manifested itself in the frankly absurd reaction to Hot Coffee. Poorly simulated fully-clothed sex – it’s hardly going to bring down civilisation as we know it.

Then there was the laughable Oblivion outrage – which is easily forgotten due to its fragility. Some PC geek put a pair of green tits on an elf woman and the game was re-rated. Who the fuck is that going to corrupt?

And don’t forget the Stefan Pakeerah case, where Manhunt was linked to the murder of a Leicester teen. Though, of course, it was later discovered that it was the victim, and not the murderer, who liked the game. Who was underage, incidentally. But did The Daily Mail ever question his parents for that? Did they fuck.

You would have thought the BBFC was strong enough to stand up to the tragicly overplayed and misunderstood tabloid attitude toward Rockstar. You would have bet your house on ELSPA being so.

And what of Sony, Nintendo and Microsoft’s stance on the ESRB Adults Only rating? To blanketly insist that such filth can’t be released on their consoles. Atrocious.

OK, you can forgive Nintendo (it’s for kid’s and all that). But Microsoft? Sony? ‘Edgy’ ‘street-wise’ Sony! Scared of a media backlash now your big new console is struggling a bit, are we? PlayStation would be fuck all were it not for Grand Theft Auto – Sony fucking owe Rockstar.

In fact, the whole fucking industry owes Rockstar. And this is how they repay them.

What a tragic fucking episode.

"He's a god, not a man"

no explanantion needed:

Britain's Duke of Edinburgh may be planning a quiet birthday celebration at home this weekend, but there will be feasting and flag-waving in an isolated jungle village in the South Pacific nation of Vanuatu, where he is worshipped as a god.

The islanders associate Prince Philip with a mountain spirit

The Land Cruiser ground up the rough dirt track, pitching and rolling like a boat. The trail was so severely eroded that it was more like a river bed, with miniature canyons gouged out by the monsoon rains.

I had been drawn to this poor excuse for a road by a story so unlikely that it sounded barely credible.

It was one I had wanted to investigate for years.

Legend had it that there was a clutch of villages on the island of Tanna in Vanuatu which - as bizarre as it may seem - worshipped Prince Philip as a god.

How and why they had chosen the Duke of Edinburgh, I had no idea. I fully expected the story to be either false, or wildly exaggerated.

Distant adoration

After an hour's drive we pulled into a jungle clearing shaded by giant banyan trees.

A short walk led to the village of Yaohnanen, a collection of sagging thatched huts, banana trees and snotty-nosed little kids.

With the help of my driver-cum-interpreter, Lui, I was introduced to the chief of the village. Jack Naiva was a bright-eyed old man of about 80, with grey hair and a faded sarong wrapped around his wiry body.

I felt deeply foolish telling him I had come to his village to ask if he worshipped the Queen's husband.

I wondered if it was all some sort of elaborate joke.

Jack Naiva, chief of the village, has an official portrait of the Prince

But the look on Chief Jack's face told me it was not. He dispatched one of the villagers and a few minutes later the man returned from a hut with three framed pictures.

They were all official portraits of the Prince.

The first, in black and white, looked like it was taken in the early 1960s.

The second was dated 1980 and showed the Prince holding a traditional pig-killing club - a present from the islanders.

The most recent was from seven years ago.

They had all been sent from London with the discreet permission of Prince Philip, who is apparently well aware that he is the subject of such distant adoration.

Ancient legend

Chief Jack squatted on the ground as he told me how the Prince Philip cult had come about.

It seems that it emerged some time in the 1960s, when Vanuatu was an Anglo-French colony known as the New Hebrides.

For centuries, perhaps millennia, villagers had believed in an ancient story about the son of a mountain spirit venturing across the seas to look for a powerful woman to marry.

They believed that unlike them, this spirit had pale skin.

Somehow the legend gradually became associated with Prince Philip, who had indeed married a rich and powerful lady.

Villagers would have seen his portrait - and that of the Queen - in government outposts and police stations run by British colonial officials.

Their beliefs were bolstered in 1974, when the Queen and Prince Philip made an official visit to the New Hebrides. Here was their ancestral spirit, resplendent in a white naval officer's uniform, come back to show off his bride.

"He's a god, not a man," the chief told me emphatically, pointing at the portraits.

Response to colonialism

None of the cult followers can read or write.

Prince Philip gave permission for portraits to be sent from London

They told me - somewhat amazingly - that it was only this year that they learnt the date of the Prince's birthday - 10 June.

As Philip turns 86 and they are planning to mark the occasion with a feast and ceremonial drinking of kava, an intoxicating brew made from the roots of a pepper tree which makes your mouth go numb.

They have even acquired a large Union flag which they are going to run up a bamboo flag pole.

It is easy to see all this as so much South Seas mumbo jumbo.

But that would be a grave mistake, anthropologists told me.

Millennial movements like this were a highly sophisticated response by islanders in the South Pacific to the arrival of colonialism and Christianity.

By combining the fundamentals of their ancient beliefs with new elements gleaned from their contact with the West, they were able to preserve their culture.

There is, of course, a delicious irony in all this.

Prince Philip, after all, is a man who has a reputation for making politically incorrect gaffes, often about foreigners.

He once advised British students not to stay too long in China for fear of becoming "slitty-eyed".

And he asked a group of stunned aborigines if they still threw spears at each other.

The villagers of Tanna may live a life far removed from the splendour of Buckingham Palace and Balmoral in far away Britain. But they are as firm in their beliefs as Prince Philip is in his.

I suspect that if they were ever to meet, they would get along rather well.

source: BBC